Cheat Sheet to Healthy Drinking Called into Question

So the big story of the day on R29 appears to feature tips on "healthy drinking".  Hmmm.  Let's just go ahead and pick this one apart.  Why not after all?  It is 4:00 PM on Friday and while I don't have my first drink in hand yet, I would bet the farm that it will be cozily nestled between my two palms by 5:00.

TIPS TO HEALTY DRINKING

1.  DON'T DRINK ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.  They deter from doing this because 20% of alcohol immediately finds its way into your bloodstream prompting you to get snockered ASAP.  Let's be real here- isn't that kind of the point?  If not we would all just drink chocolate milk.

2.  CLEAR AND DARK ALCOHOL ARE CALORIE EQUALS.  No need to choose one over the other. Hell, why not mix them all.  One Long Island Ice Tea please- hold the sour.

3.  WHAT MATTERS IS THE MIXERS.  The real calorie killer is juice, coke, graham cracker rim, chocolate drizzles, etc.  So truly, why bother with the frill?  Just drink straight out of the bottle.

4.  SIZE MATTERS, TOO.  Self explanatory.  This pertains to all things in life.  Diamonds, bank accounts, cocks and tails...OOPS!  Did I just type that?  My apologies.  CLEARLY I meant cocktails.  You get the picture.

5.  BE WARY OF SO CALLED "LO-CAL" COCKTAILS.  I don't like to hang with skinny bitches and I sure don't like to drink them.  No offense to my compadres.  We just like to keep it REALZ!

6.  DRINK A DRINK YOU DON'T LOVE.  Well that is just stupid.  The philosophy is that by doing so you will not be tempted to overindulge.  If that applied to all things there would be more miserable folks than you could shake a stick at.  Why don't you have sex with someone who repulses you so that you want to vomit at the mere thought?  Or work somewhere you hate so you would be inclined to call in sick every day? Or better yet, buy clothes that make you look like you have a huge ass so that you won't buy clothes anymore.  Ludicrous.

7.  WINE MIGHT BE YOUR BEST OPTION.  Sorry.  I never got the memo that it wasn't ALWAYS the best option.

8.  THE BEST MIXERS ARE SELTZER, FRUIT, AND DIET SODA.  If you have killed too many brain cells to comprehend that I have already addressed this, please revisit Point #3.

9.  THERE COULD POSSIBLY BE SOME HEALTH BENEFITS TO ALCOHOL.  Yes, indeed.  It is called SANITY.


Well, my dearies I am now going to hook you up with one of the Rogue Vintage summertime staples.  It is simple, cold, and always a hit.  It does come with a warning: you will be spending the bulk of your party at the blender.  Enjoy.

FROZEN MOJITO

Mix one 12oz. can of  frozen Minute Maid Limeade, 12oz. of Light Rum, a handful of fresh mint, and ice.  Blend and pour, baby.  Blend and pour.

Happy Labor Day weekend all!.  

Till Next Time, 

Tricia